Darkest Month Before Dawn

Adeife Adeoye
3 min readDec 15, 2022

It’s December Yay!

According to Google, December is the time of the winter solstice, making it the darkest month of the year.

That explains a lot. I wondered why the cloud hovering over my head was so dark that I could feel it.

I started this year with high spirits and hope. I wrote down my goals and was ready to take on the world.

Goals

You might be thinking, “that’s it? What a generic goal.”

No comments 😒

I started the year great; I had only two tasks — find a man and a good job, then I’d get a stable income and happiness 🤡

And I did just that.

I pivoted my career from content writing to content marketing & strategy. Took some courses and was ready to hit the job market. I started looking for a job in March, and I got one on the 1st of April. It was a Content Marketing Manager role at a marketing company — the pay was good, I guess (for starters). And with my other side gigs, I’d finally be making about $5k a month.

I also got into a relationship with the sweetest guy on the planet (or so I thought). Can you believe he flew me out of Lagos to ask me out? Am I not the luckiest girl in the world?

I achieved all my goals in April.

Adeife 1 — Life 0

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so excited because things took a turn.

My beloved work became toxic, and I was being micromanaged — I tried to adjust, but instead, I got fired.

My dream boyfriend (I’m dying of laughter rn) broke up with me for no great reason (still confused if you ask me).

What?

What happened to my goals? I was on the verge of achieving everything, and now I had lost it.

Then sadness came knocking…

I tried to close the door, hide my feelings, and drown myself in my other jobs, but sadness eventually soon found its way in.

Then doubt followed, and anger stopped by sometimes.

I was getting everything but happiness, oopsie.

I lost my second job, and I lost my third job. I went from having it all to hating myself.

Life 100 — Adeife 0

I still wanted to beat life and achieve my goals — I’m stronger than life, right?

I got another job, became a thought leader for Inc Africa, blew up on TikTok, and got my apartment. Beat that bitch😂😂

Adeife 1 — Life 0

But I wasn’t still happy, lol. But who cares?

November came knocking, and my cousin’s wedding came — it was lit. I was happy, and I went back home with a man.

Adeife 1 — Life 0

But we broke after 3 weeks — we’re still very cool (he’s the sweetest).

Life 100 — Adeife 0

I was defeated.

I didn’t achieve anything. No fancy career, no stable relationship, no happiness.

But today, I realized something: I only had a shitty year because I set a shitty goal at the beginning of the year.

What the fuck is a stable relationship, a good career, and happiness?

I didn’t even love myself throughout the year. I placed my self-worth and love on superficial things like relationships, careers, and bank accounts.

Now that I’m ending the year without all of those, I feel like a failure. I completely forgot all the good things I achieved because I didn’t have a stable relationship or dream job.

But you know what I decided today? Moving forward, no more stupid goals.

Adeife 0 — Life 0

Bye

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Adeife Adeoye

I write about my journey as an adult - lifestyle, dating, adulting, yada yada yada❤️